"If any person thinks they are religious (Christian/Follower of Jesus) and does not bridle/keep in check their tongue, they deceive themselves and their religion is worthless.............with the tongue we bless God and curse people who are made in the image of God.....from this same mouth both blessing and cursing-this, just should not be" James 1:26, 3:9-10.
"Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into The Christ (Jesus)" Ephesians 4:15
I learned a Kingdom living lesson years ago as a youth pastor. Being sound in fundamental evangelicalism- I was grounded in "the truth" (as I/we saw it). It didn't matter what I thought, or you thought, or anyone thought- all that mattered was what God says in His Word- the Bible. The B-I-B-L-E, yes that's the book for me, I stand alone on the word of God, the B-I-B-L-E! this is all I knew. In my love for this Truth (as I saw it)- I wasn't concerned for what others thought. (I know that the truth- was interpreted, which is why I keep saying- as I/we saw it). As a youth Pastor the youth would often begin discussion with the phrase- "I think....." to which I would respond- "I don't care what you think" (please hear this out. I know it's tempting for some to be quick to "Speak" before they hear the whole matter...)- I thought it was "cute", "Funny"! As best I can remember, my heart was pure in motive. I didn't hate those kids- I loved them as much as I could at that time. Samantha and I gave our own souls for those kids. So, that statement didn't come from my heart (relatively speaking- I/we am/are far from perfect and certainly are not complete in our love. I just meant to communicate that we gave our lives as much as we could through Jesus). They were in our apartment all the time. We went to just about every sports games, drama event, presentation, recital, concert-we had opened our entire lives to this group of teens.
One day two girls had come to me after a gathering to share their struggles in life. They, like many teens felt unloved in the world by everyone-their peers, their teachers, their parents. I asked them- You know Samantha and I love you though, right? They said- you don't care about us. I was dumbfounded-speechless. I just sat there thinking of all that we had done specifically for these two girls. I had watched countless 8th grade girls basketball games. Dealt with the other girls crazy mom-on numerous accounts-b/c I loved them, we loved them. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked them- why do you think I don't care? They responded- "because you say all the time-'I don't care what you think. I don't care".
What they heard was- Sam doesn't care! Sam doesn't care what I think, about me, my dreams, my struggles. This was devastating to me. I didn't even know what to say to them. I remember I just kept apologizing through my tears and crackling voice. (I still speak to one of these girls frequently thanks to FB and MS as well as several from that youth group)- It was a PROFOUND day for me. My heart was broken that day. In my love for TRUTH (as I saw it)- I didn't consider how I was heard. I didn't consider- what message is being communicated (I've come along way from the thinking I had then, but the Lesson is still applicable for this story/experience)-
I thought I was promoting a message of TRUTH. And what was heard was a message of hate. What's more important? the message? Love? or is there a third option (0r even more than 3)?
Perhaps the path is that the message is Love! Love is the Truth! Not love w/o morals, boundaries, rules, etc, but Love is the Truth, Love is the Gospel!
Paul exhorts us to speak the truth lovingly, because Truth spoken (whether it is truth as I saw it, or Truth as I attempt to understand and embrace)-without love- is not Truth. If I say God loves you, but I say it angrily, I am not really communicating that God is loving, but rather a selfish self pleaser who is pissed off at everyone. Speaking lovingly is soooo deep, so wide that it can't be figured out, it can't be contrived into formulas. It's about tone, but more than tone. It's about words, but more than words. Its about facial expressions, but more than facial expressions. Its about all this, and infinitely more. Speaking the truth lovingly is to actually speak the truth. And to speak it hatefully, indifferently, carelessly- is to Lie, speak falsehood (this isn't meant to say that we are more powerful than Truth...e.g. that God can't overcome our failures. )
The Kingdom Community, the church is the Incarnation of Jesus through the Spirit to the world today. We are Jesus in some mysterious way, for the world today. If we speak unlovingly to those we see as enemies (a subtle reminder of Eph. 6:12 "we do not fight against flesh and blood"), those we fear, we don't understand, those we are disgusted by (all these show how we don't value the image of God in people)- we deny the truth.
This doesn't mean that we can never say we disagree with the life someone lives. Jesus, the apostles, the prophets, the church historically (both in good ways and bad ways) have spoken about changing from the path of hell and death to heaven and life. (Which is the Gospel Truth we are to speak ). But our speaking must not be in hateful propositions. It must be in a loving tongue that seeks the highest good of the other. But, that message won't be heart if it's latticed with hate.
Youth won't feel loved if we speak of them disrespectfully. Homosexuals won't hear the message if it is saturated with slurs (like Flamers, Queers etc) of hatred. African American Community won't hear love through confederate flags and cultural expressions flowing from historical hate. Poor people won't hear the gospel through messages about laziness. The sexually promiscuous won't hear if we speak judgmentally. And all these are made in the image of God.
Whatever message we ascribe to Jesus (and it appears there are many disagreements on this)- He spoke the message lovingly. He didn't call the woman caught in adultery a whore. He didn't call the demon possessed man (who some argue was gay) a flaming fudge packer. He didn't call the woman at the well a desperate housewife. He didn't call Peter a impetuous fool, or Judas a backstabbing jerk. He spoke with the utmost of love. Whatever holiness he spoke of it, it was one of communal love (Matthew 5:43-48) for all people. Whatever highest good he sought of others, it was a message of loving God, loving self correctly, loving others- and this message of love was speaking lovingly.
I fall way short of this. I certainly don't write as one who has arrived. I write this as one who is in a community that is for so many in NW Florida a shining light in the loneliness of darkness, as seasoned salt in a mundane world- and what NW Florida and the uttermost parts of the world needs (including ourselves) is a Community wholly committed to living out the beautiful, loving Reality of Jesus. It's a tall glass of fresh water for a myriad of people who have been drinking bitter, dirty water and others who have been drinking chemical laced water of Western church. But, we often allow the bitter, dirty water of our still messed up lives seep in-to our own despair and continual ruin of the world.
Friends, brothers and sisters- Our mission is urgent. We can laugh and make fun- but what God has brought us together to be and do-is so critical. We must BRIDLE our tongues.
I love you all- "That's what HE (Jesus) said"! I love you all, which is hard to hear through my own untamed hate-filled tongue.
May we "stir to love and good works, & WORDS" as we see the day of Jesus approaching!
Aspiring, Dreaming, of being An Afflux of Authentic Life with you all-
sc
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4 comments:
This is one of the most difficult issues for me in my faith journey: controlling my words. I come from a long line of people and family who have prided themselves on "telling it like it is" (which really isn't like it is at all, but merely as they see it through their own broken lens). As I confessed in the community a couple of weeks ago, I really struggle with complaining (and also criticizing). I have an inflated view of myself and it is really difficult, Sam, as you pointed out to hear what is actually being heard by the other party (regardless of what the direct intent was).
As we seek to be real in our lives together as community, I do think it is helpful for us to continue to practice in our community ways to build each other up (not in a phony sort of way that lends itself to flattery). I think this is a helpful discipline that we need to be more creative about in living out, so that we can "on the spot" respond in this way, versus reacting in a merely human way (see 1 Corinthians 2).
Thanks to God for redeeming me multiple times daily in this area when I stumble and fall. Thanks to the community for loving me through this and helping me change.
i LOVE you.
Good stuff. Although I am far from perfect when it comes to taming my tongue, deep down inside my goal is to be an encourager of as many people as possible. This can be extremely hard esp. since I come from a background of being on the receiving end of hate-filled speech (I many times feel the urge to "let someone have it" verbally). I know what it's like to be a "reject" (someone not beautiful or healthy) and I resolve to not make anyone feel like one. Please pray for me in this area of my life.
You really caught me in this paragraph: "Poor people won't hear the gospel through messages about laziness. The sexually promiscuous won't hear if we speak judgmentally."
It is so true that Jesus never came to condemn these people. He came to speak life into their lives. I think where we go wrong is when we/I try to "fix" people's problems by telling them they need to change. I think there is a time and a place to tell certain people that what they're doing is wrong. But only when the time is right and after they know how much you love them through Christ.
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