Many times I feel as if life comes down to choices and influences, and this never seems truer than when it applies to the realm of parenting. I confess with fear even as I type this that often I would have gone astray if it were not for the presence of children in my life, and the brutal reality of that fact is that being responsible for other human beings’ development and growth and preparedness for this scary place we call real life is one of humility. I don’t type this believing for one minute that I am humble, as those who know me best understand with great clarity that this is not the case. But what I mean by this is that behind every experience as a parent there is this helpless feeling that this is out of my hands, and yet if it goes awry its sour effects will shape – and in many ways – devastate not only my happiness but the happiness of those in my family. The reason for this is that these children are a part of me and to mess up with them, to not love them the way they were created to be loved, is to ignore the pains of my own life and ultimately is not to love myself or God.
I write this, of course, as the parent of four, and I can honestly say that this endeavor feels very much like a roll of the dice. I don’t mean to say that I believe that this thing called parenting is a luck of the draw, though. What I want to state more aptly is that my heart may deceive me into thinking that I have done well in leading my kids to Christ when I may have altogether missed it. This uncertainty in what to do and what to say and how to go about talking with your kids is very overwhelming at times, because my own need to be rescued from anger and anxiety and various other struggles intersect with my attempt to rescue my kids.
But the reason I write this today is that I need a place to confess my need of community. As someone who was raised to be an individualistic, hard-working American who left home at the age of eighteen and never looked back, this is difficult for me to get. It is difficult, but it shouldn’t be, given the impact of God’s people in my life along the way. My confession however is also a question. And the question is this: Since community is what we were created to be, then how does the community interact with the family and what role does the family play in the community? Another way of asking that is to reverse the question and ask what role does the community play in relation to the family?
I know for some this will seem too simple to even ask, and those are the ones I am probably not asking. But, it seems as if Hillary Clinton (as tainted as she may be in some of her thinking) was onto something when she wrote the title to her book, It Takes a Village. I am not suggesting everything she said was right, but certainly the concept of community/village playing a role in the development of our children is surely not a foreign concept to the Scriptures, as children and parents alike were often held accountable before the entire Community of YHWH under the Torah.
I will only begin to touch the topic of community, however, as I have much to ponder even to know which questions to ask. The real thrust behind this (and where I really want to end up for now) is my daily struggle with being the father that God made me to be. I am at a point where I would gouge my eye out for my children and love them with all of my heart, but often feel as if I am failing. I struggle with this because my kids are growing up (especially my oldest who is now entering middle school), and I feel as if time is slipping out through the proverbial hour glass. I struggle with erecting boundaries for my kids. I do not want to keep them from the world in the sense that I try to isolate them as part of an old world attempt to protect from the evil that is “out there”, but I also don’t want to give in to the cultural demands and just jibe with all that is present. This is an ongoing dilemma and one that I am sure to master in a couple of paragraphs in this blog (jk).
I have been wondering these issues for a while, have been journaling about them, praying about them, and now I am hoping to converse about them, as I need help in this area. I know there are issues in my own life that lead me into difficulties with my children and I am hoping for growth in these areas, as well, but I hope that this will begin to shed light on that, also.
A few nights ago, I sat at the table with Melissa and we shared struggles and fears and thoughts about our kids, but one in specific. We talked for a long time, confessing to one another our shortcomings and mishaps and patterns of sin causing our relationship with them to erode. The following morning I wept on the way to work for one of my children, lamenting that she needs Christ to rescue her from herself as well as from us.
This is my prayer tonight for all of my kids and all of the kids at The River. Thanks for praying this with me and for me. I love you all.
Jason # 2
Monday, September 28, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A Story. A Thank You. A New Chapter
It was a sunny November morning as I remember. If my memory serves me right, it was a typical Florida day. It was warmer than most places in the country with just a slight cool breeze blowing into the window of my undeserved handbuilt over sized room. As I walked through the living room towards the kitchen I could see it written all over their faces. Faces of disappointment. Faces of frustration, and faces of hurt. I remember the feeling in my bones on that particular day. It felt like something was going to break. Little did I know that something had already been breaking, and was finally broken. My friend, the one that I called my best. He followed me into his kitchen. I was just doing my normal morning routine. He asked me with a soft and painful voice, "can we talk". I quickly replied, Sure (very sarcastically). So we had a seat at the kitchen table. A kitchen table that has seen the likes of hundreds of different faces sitting around it's wooden lay out. This kitchen table had been the gathering place of not only a family, but neighbors, friends, family and those who needed a helping hand. I was all of the above but at that moment I was the ladder. My dear friend began to share with me his concern over my life. We'd had this conversation before, but this time it was different and I could see it in his eyes. As he began to try and convey with me the hurt I had caused him I could not handle it. So I did what I do best. I defended myself. With each truth he called me out on, I had another thing to deflect it with, and another and another. Until it was visibly obvious that there was no more getting through to me. I walked away from the table. I walked away from the place where such Love had been given and given and given. I was bitter. I was weak. I was wrong. I remember walking outside and not knowing what to do or where to go. I had just broken the last straw from the one hand that had held on for the longest. Upon realizing this, something inside me died. I knew that the pain I had caused was deeper than I ever knew I could cause. Yet it was true, I had caused it and the pain caused was deep. I went for a walk around the loop. Fresh off of turning 28 a week before. On that long walk I remember asking myself. How did it get here. Why are things this bad and how can they get fixed. My head was hurting from all the turning, and my heart was on fire from the journey. What now God? I asked over and over. I really screwed this up. Me. I caused this and it's ugly. I can't even go back inside and face them. I had become the person I complained about in other people. I had broken things so much to a point that big decisions had to be made. Life changing decisions. I walked back inside and there I saw him again, and I will never forget that face. He could no longer hide the pain I was causing and it was flowing out of him. But I could do nothing. I walked right past and into the cave I had created. There I stayed. Bitter and confused. Almost angry. I knew this was all on me, and I wanted it sent away. How selfish is that. I just wanted to act like nothing had happened and nothing was my fault. Like maybe some how in all of the lies and deception that I created, it was all because I had been dealt a bad hand. When infact I had been given more opportunity than most and I squandered it. Things at that time were low. As dark as I remember dark being. Some how in the midst of the darkest tunnel I had ever trod. There was a light. I start this letter to you all in this fashion because I want you all to know how this journey from then until now has taken place. My wickedness brought much pain and heartache to several people and in the telling of this story I want it to be made known the people that did not let go of my hand.
Through much counseling, grace, and forgiveness I was able to muster up the courage to put my pride on the line. Sam and Jason Grizzard came to me about writing a confession to the entire community. At first I was sick to my stomach over the idea. I knew the way I had mistreated my friends and family, and the thought of confessing all of those things was just too much. I wrestled with it and came up with a very selfish letter that once again deflected the blame away from me and put it all on circumstances. Thankfully Sam and Jason are honorable men who were and are seeking the highest good for me and the River community. They quickly let me know that the first letter I had written was not going to help the situation at all. So upon there further counsel I decided to just let it all out. If you were there that night, I am quite confident you could feel the weight of the situation. It was extremely difficult to sit infront of you and have my confession read aloud to you by a good friend. I could feel so much inside of me screaming. I was quiet on the outside and crying like a child on the inside. And then it happened. One after another, after another after another. You and You and You and You and You, came to me, crying. Telling me you were sending it away, telling me it had already been sent away. Tears in your eyes and lumps in your throats you lined up to hug me and tell me things I didn't deserve to hear. Wow. What could I say, I could feel the embarrassment and pride literally leaving my body. Here was a community that I had for so long claimed to Love and support, all the while spitting on it with my selfish actions. I left that night with a new found hope and motivation. I knew the road forward would not be easy, but because of the Love and support and dedication from you all. I was able to pick up the broken pieces and see that our story together didn't have to end there. In so many ways you all could have given up on me and called it a day. You could have moved on and been better for it. I had given you every right to do so. But yet you stayed true to the vision and you continued to authentically pursue restoration. In the months to follow you were all still right there with me as I tried to move forward and start things a new. I have wanted to say this to you all for a long time, and here is my chance. Concerning the 80's Prom. I want to thank you all so very much for all of your help with the making of the 80s movie and the 80s prom. You could never understand how much your help and support meant to me. Back in April I was still getting my life back together and it meant so much to me that you all would get behind and be a part of such a little idea. In doing so you all made me feel like I have something significant to offer. It was such a joy and honor to be able to show people our sense of humor and show people the different ways we can creatively raise money to seek peace here and abroad. Your messages of love and encouragement really helped assure me that together this community can do some groundbreaking and life changing things in this area for years to come. Now I'm going to take some time to send some Love out to the people that have made this community called The River a place worth calling home. Please read on, this is important.
To: The Grizzards....Jason and Melissa. It doesn't seem like very long ago your family became a part of our community. It didn't take long for you to make a huge impact. Your faith in stepping out to move here is encouraging and it's a great example of how much you Love the Crum family and The River family. Thank you so much for the time you spent with me, helping me get my finances in order. You never made the process difficult for me and you were always open to help me with what ever I was going through at the time. Jason your involvment with the rescue mission is such a great example for our community and it has been a great joy being able to go and be a part of all of those men's lives. Your kindness and willingness to serve others continues to this day. And it is because of that and the Love you have for me and others that I say to you now, It is an honor and privilege to know you and have you and your wonderful family along for the journey. Go Braves! I Love You. We Love You!
To: The Hosbiens....Jeremy and Melissa. So many things come to my mind when I think of you. From the very day I set foot into a River gathering, you have made me feel welcomed and Loved. Your service and commitment to the River has been evident from day one. When I was in need, you stepped in and helped me out. Not only did you help me out, you endured a lot of the weakness I was showing. Jeremy you always do a great job of showing people we want them to be a part of this community. Jeremy and Melissa you are both such a valuable part of the River. Your kindness and Love towards me will not and has not been forgotten. I can't imagine being on this journey without you and your wonderful two boys. I Love you! We Love You!
To: The Halloways....Jake and Cassie. It has been a joy and honor to get to know you and your family over the past 2 years. Little do many people know, but when I needed a job Jake helped provide me with one. Jake you were working two jobs, and when you got off one job early in the morning from working all night. You would come and pick me up and take me with you to work the other job. Thank you so much for that sacrifice, what a great example of community that was to me. Cassie your heart is so genuine and true, and I think we all have witnessed that. It has been such a blessing to watch you grow. Your authenticity is amazing and it is and has been making a huge difference in our community. Thank you for being with The River, and allowing us all the great opportunity to be around your wonderful girls. I Love you! We Love You!
To: Eric Wead....Man oh man. Old School is definately in the house when Eric is in the House. Eric, you are so cool man. I mean that. You are so real and authentic. From the first time I met you until now, I always thought you were unique and gifted. You have such a giving heart and such a passion to see the world changed. You always know way more about music than I could ever know, and that challenges me and others in a good way. You are always concerned with my and others well being. How do I know this? Because every time I see you, you ask how I'm doing and you want to know if you can help in some way. Eric, the river would not be the same without you. I am so glad you are here with us for this long journey. I'm also glad you played my dad in the 80s movie, You nailed it. Go Huskers and Lakers! I Love you! We Love You!
To: Will Hepburn....Big Dj Willy J Style. Dude if Eric is the man, then you are a close second. Seriously Will, I remember a time when I didn't have a car. And what did you do? You talked to your parents and they hooked me up with one. That is amazing. Because of that I have been able to get a job this year and continue to move my life forward. Will, your laugh is legendary and your jokes are often imitated but never duplicated. Your DJ skillz are unmatched. Thank you so much for lending your gift of music to the River. You are always willing to help out with that and thus it allows us to see your God given talent. Will, I've known you for a long time and in the past few years having you at the River has made a huge difference. Thank you for your friendship and your genuine care for me and others. I Love You Man! We Love You Man!
To: Hale....I am not going to list your last name, because I think at this point all of us are not sure which one you go by. Hale you are about as original as they come. Thats a great thing. When you showed up to the Riv almost 2 years ago, I wasn't sure how to read you. I'm still not sure, haha jk. Really though, getting to know you has been a pleasure. You are so talented and have so many new and creative ideas. You are always ready to go and do something that benefits others. When the 80s prom came up, you supplied alot of the props and for the movie 70% of the wardrobe we used was from your closet. You and I have had some great conversations over the years. We have been along the same path in many ways. I am thankful and glad to be on this journey with you and I know the River is better for having you along on the journey. Hang ten Bro. I Love you! We Love You!
To: Beth Taylor....I'm not going to use the River's name for you. Okay I will. Bittems!. You might hold the all time record for bringing friends to the Sunday gathering. If we kept a running chart you would definately have the most gold stars for that. You brought us the King's which we are very grateful for as well. Beth, I think it's very clear you have a very Loving heart. I remember talking to you about the River years ago, and you seemed even then like you wanted to be a part of our vision. Having you a part of the River for the past few years has been a great honor. You have brought much joy to so many of us. Your concern for the local community has always shined through, and your passion for missions is growing stronger. It's amazing how so many people in your life look up to you and go to you when they are in need. Probably because you are such a good listener and friend. Thank you for being my friend and ofcourse thank you for your academy award winning portrayal of Sherry.... 80s movie part 2??.... You bring smiles to a lot of faces at the River. I am so glad and honored to call you my friend. I Love you! We Love You! Bittems!
To: Fillipe....I remember the first time you came to the River. I thought all the youth girls were going to freak out because God had finally blessed them with there very own Jonas brother. Little did we all know we had more than that when you arrived. When I found out you were 19 at the time, I said, "nah come on. He's gotta be 22 atleast." You came to the river and brought in so many fresh and new ideas. Everyone that knowes you, knowes what a gifted person you are. But in so many subtle ways you have shown me and so many others how much you want to use your gifts for the Kingdom. Fil, I straight up respect you and am honored to know some one who is not yet 21 but is striving daily to live out his faith around others. Having you with this community has been a huge lift. I'm glad you are along for the journey. I Love You! We Love You!
To: Jason Leger....The Lead singer of the legendary White Exxodus. Ok thats it. Done. Seriously, man we have come a long way. When I first really started hanging out with you it was around the time that I was first coming to River functions. As I got to know you I wanted so badly for you to be a part of this community. I knew we would all be better for it. Watching our friendship develope into a friendship with the entire community has been very special to me. You are so gifted man, every body knows it. Every one wants to be around you, and why not. You are such a honorable and loyal person. Countless times when I had no car or ride, you would pick me up and take me where ever need be. You are always so willing to put your neck on the line to ease the pain of others. You have listened to me on so many occasions when my heart was broken. There is no way I could imagine being on this journey without you. The River is a much better place for having Jason Leger in it. You are not only my friend, you are my Brother, and I know we are all thankful to say. I Love you! We Love You!
To: The Kings....Justin and Beth. Sometimes I feel like I'm your Son. Haha. Maybe that is because you both have taken care of me in so many different ways. Justin, you are so freakin great man. I mean, Indian/Man/Zelda/Archer/Drummer. What can't you do? The answer is nothing. I Love every time I come over, you always keep me up to date on your latest project. Every time I see you, you always let me know how happy you are to see me. And even though you are really funny, you still can get real with me and talk to me about serious things pertaining to the vision of the River. Beth, in the last year you have become one of my closest friends and sister. You are always concerned about my well being. When I was going through some rough times you were always there if I needed to talk. You helped build up a confidence in me when I thought no one could see good in me. You and Justin mean the world to me. You have shown so many of us what it takes to be a leader. You truly live out the faith you talk about. Justin and Beth, there is no way I could have made it on this journey without you. The River Community has become so much stronger because of the Kings. Beth, having your parents Keith and Dottie with us has been amazing. I have learned alot from both of them. Keith always makes me laugh and want to talk about the Doobie Bros. And Dottie is so creative and darn right Sweet. Oh and Let's not forget Charlie. Charlie, it's quite obvious that every girl wants you. Thank you Beth for bringing them to us. It has been an honor and a blessing to have you and your family with us on this journey. It is with great thankfulness and joy that I say. I Love You! We Love You!
To: The Crums....Sam and Samantha. Where do I even begin. You both personify the vision of the River. You both are living an afflux of authentic life. Every person in this community is better for knowing you and having you in there lives. Their is not a day that goes by when I don't think of your family and the sacrifice you all make so that the vision of the river can visibily be seen. Samantha, I am constantly astounded by your willingness to serve others. You have willingly and graciously opened up your home to me and so many others. During the time I was able to live with your family, I was amazed at how much you sacrifice for the well being of others, for the well being of your kids and the well being of your husband. The honor and support you give to Sam and your marriage is amazing. That example is one that has made a profound impact on my life, and has made me take a new look on the type of marriage I one day will seek. Thank you Samantha. Sam, it all comes down to you man. This thing goes because of so much of the hard work and Love that you have put into it. I am talking about our friendship and I am also talking about the River. From the time I met you, you have always sought after my highest good. You have always cared about our friendship and you have always cared about the River and this area. Your heart is so big man. And way back at the top of this blog I started by telling the story of how I broke you down with all of my weakness and wickedness. Sam, you have long since forgiven me, but the way you did it is worth me sharing to others. You could have pushed me aside and just let me go. I deserved that. But you didn't. You endured all the heartache and the frustration and the pain. And through your loving counsel you showed me how to confess to our community. The community that you help build with your very own Love, kindness, and generousity. It was if you knew that they would all rally around and help pull me out. And they did. Your sacrifice for the Kingdom of Heaven and the Message of Jesus Christ is evident every day. In the way You and Samantha raise your kids and in the way you Love and cherish your wife. Your kids have always put a smile on my face, and they seem to be growing in many great ways before our eyes. That day I saw you in great pain, I knew that I did not want to see our friendship like that again. Thank you beyond words for the time you put in and have since put in to the restoration of our friendship. You have pushed me to try harder. You have encouraged me to do more. Sam, your more than a brother. I am here today to confess again that this journey back has been tough, I am here to confess that I couldn't do it without you and The River, I am here to confess I am ready and energized to do this again. Sam and Samantha, it is with the uttmost honor and joy that I say, thank you. We are all better for knowing you and witnessing the wonderful living of your life. Our Journey could never be the same without you. With tearful eyes and a thankful heart I say to you and your family. I LOVE YOU!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!
To: The River....As we come upon the 3rd year of our journey together. I would like to say. It has truly been an honor to be with you. If I did not mention your name above, it is not because you don't play a vital role in this community. It is only because I haven't yet had the chance to get to know you. Hopefully that will change soon. The River, you, this community. Has forever changed my life and I am always proud and honored to tell others about what we are doing here. I am pumped about the new year ahead. We have so many great things instore. You all have taught me to not give up and give in, even when things are really tough. As we move forward, Let us be newly motivated to live our vision statement. Let us Love others and give to others as Christ Jesus our Lord did and does. Let us Love Northwest Florida and the utter most parts of the World. Let us trully seek out the highest good of our brothers and sisters. Let us work even harder to be An Afflux of Authentic Life. So here's to 2 years, Pop open a glass of sparkling grape juice(cough cough), and lift your glasses high, a toast to what is to come. I Believe it will only get better! I Love You!
Through much counseling, grace, and forgiveness I was able to muster up the courage to put my pride on the line. Sam and Jason Grizzard came to me about writing a confession to the entire community. At first I was sick to my stomach over the idea. I knew the way I had mistreated my friends and family, and the thought of confessing all of those things was just too much. I wrestled with it and came up with a very selfish letter that once again deflected the blame away from me and put it all on circumstances. Thankfully Sam and Jason are honorable men who were and are seeking the highest good for me and the River community. They quickly let me know that the first letter I had written was not going to help the situation at all. So upon there further counsel I decided to just let it all out. If you were there that night, I am quite confident you could feel the weight of the situation. It was extremely difficult to sit infront of you and have my confession read aloud to you by a good friend. I could feel so much inside of me screaming. I was quiet on the outside and crying like a child on the inside. And then it happened. One after another, after another after another. You and You and You and You and You, came to me, crying. Telling me you were sending it away, telling me it had already been sent away. Tears in your eyes and lumps in your throats you lined up to hug me and tell me things I didn't deserve to hear. Wow. What could I say, I could feel the embarrassment and pride literally leaving my body. Here was a community that I had for so long claimed to Love and support, all the while spitting on it with my selfish actions. I left that night with a new found hope and motivation. I knew the road forward would not be easy, but because of the Love and support and dedication from you all. I was able to pick up the broken pieces and see that our story together didn't have to end there. In so many ways you all could have given up on me and called it a day. You could have moved on and been better for it. I had given you every right to do so. But yet you stayed true to the vision and you continued to authentically pursue restoration. In the months to follow you were all still right there with me as I tried to move forward and start things a new. I have wanted to say this to you all for a long time, and here is my chance. Concerning the 80's Prom. I want to thank you all so very much for all of your help with the making of the 80s movie and the 80s prom. You could never understand how much your help and support meant to me. Back in April I was still getting my life back together and it meant so much to me that you all would get behind and be a part of such a little idea. In doing so you all made me feel like I have something significant to offer. It was such a joy and honor to be able to show people our sense of humor and show people the different ways we can creatively raise money to seek peace here and abroad. Your messages of love and encouragement really helped assure me that together this community can do some groundbreaking and life changing things in this area for years to come. Now I'm going to take some time to send some Love out to the people that have made this community called The River a place worth calling home. Please read on, this is important.
To: The Grizzards....Jason and Melissa. It doesn't seem like very long ago your family became a part of our community. It didn't take long for you to make a huge impact. Your faith in stepping out to move here is encouraging and it's a great example of how much you Love the Crum family and The River family. Thank you so much for the time you spent with me, helping me get my finances in order. You never made the process difficult for me and you were always open to help me with what ever I was going through at the time. Jason your involvment with the rescue mission is such a great example for our community and it has been a great joy being able to go and be a part of all of those men's lives. Your kindness and willingness to serve others continues to this day. And it is because of that and the Love you have for me and others that I say to you now, It is an honor and privilege to know you and have you and your wonderful family along for the journey. Go Braves! I Love You. We Love You!
To: The Hosbiens....Jeremy and Melissa. So many things come to my mind when I think of you. From the very day I set foot into a River gathering, you have made me feel welcomed and Loved. Your service and commitment to the River has been evident from day one. When I was in need, you stepped in and helped me out. Not only did you help me out, you endured a lot of the weakness I was showing. Jeremy you always do a great job of showing people we want them to be a part of this community. Jeremy and Melissa you are both such a valuable part of the River. Your kindness and Love towards me will not and has not been forgotten. I can't imagine being on this journey without you and your wonderful two boys. I Love you! We Love You!
To: The Halloways....Jake and Cassie. It has been a joy and honor to get to know you and your family over the past 2 years. Little do many people know, but when I needed a job Jake helped provide me with one. Jake you were working two jobs, and when you got off one job early in the morning from working all night. You would come and pick me up and take me with you to work the other job. Thank you so much for that sacrifice, what a great example of community that was to me. Cassie your heart is so genuine and true, and I think we all have witnessed that. It has been such a blessing to watch you grow. Your authenticity is amazing and it is and has been making a huge difference in our community. Thank you for being with The River, and allowing us all the great opportunity to be around your wonderful girls. I Love you! We Love You!
To: Eric Wead....Man oh man. Old School is definately in the house when Eric is in the House. Eric, you are so cool man. I mean that. You are so real and authentic. From the first time I met you until now, I always thought you were unique and gifted. You have such a giving heart and such a passion to see the world changed. You always know way more about music than I could ever know, and that challenges me and others in a good way. You are always concerned with my and others well being. How do I know this? Because every time I see you, you ask how I'm doing and you want to know if you can help in some way. Eric, the river would not be the same without you. I am so glad you are here with us for this long journey. I'm also glad you played my dad in the 80s movie, You nailed it. Go Huskers and Lakers! I Love you! We Love You!
To: Will Hepburn....Big Dj Willy J Style. Dude if Eric is the man, then you are a close second. Seriously Will, I remember a time when I didn't have a car. And what did you do? You talked to your parents and they hooked me up with one. That is amazing. Because of that I have been able to get a job this year and continue to move my life forward. Will, your laugh is legendary and your jokes are often imitated but never duplicated. Your DJ skillz are unmatched. Thank you so much for lending your gift of music to the River. You are always willing to help out with that and thus it allows us to see your God given talent. Will, I've known you for a long time and in the past few years having you at the River has made a huge difference. Thank you for your friendship and your genuine care for me and others. I Love You Man! We Love You Man!
To: Hale....I am not going to list your last name, because I think at this point all of us are not sure which one you go by. Hale you are about as original as they come. Thats a great thing. When you showed up to the Riv almost 2 years ago, I wasn't sure how to read you. I'm still not sure, haha jk. Really though, getting to know you has been a pleasure. You are so talented and have so many new and creative ideas. You are always ready to go and do something that benefits others. When the 80s prom came up, you supplied alot of the props and for the movie 70% of the wardrobe we used was from your closet. You and I have had some great conversations over the years. We have been along the same path in many ways. I am thankful and glad to be on this journey with you and I know the River is better for having you along on the journey. Hang ten Bro. I Love you! We Love You!
To: Beth Taylor....I'm not going to use the River's name for you. Okay I will. Bittems!. You might hold the all time record for bringing friends to the Sunday gathering. If we kept a running chart you would definately have the most gold stars for that. You brought us the King's which we are very grateful for as well. Beth, I think it's very clear you have a very Loving heart. I remember talking to you about the River years ago, and you seemed even then like you wanted to be a part of our vision. Having you a part of the River for the past few years has been a great honor. You have brought much joy to so many of us. Your concern for the local community has always shined through, and your passion for missions is growing stronger. It's amazing how so many people in your life look up to you and go to you when they are in need. Probably because you are such a good listener and friend. Thank you for being my friend and ofcourse thank you for your academy award winning portrayal of Sherry.... 80s movie part 2??.... You bring smiles to a lot of faces at the River. I am so glad and honored to call you my friend. I Love you! We Love You! Bittems!
To: Fillipe....I remember the first time you came to the River. I thought all the youth girls were going to freak out because God had finally blessed them with there very own Jonas brother. Little did we all know we had more than that when you arrived. When I found out you were 19 at the time, I said, "nah come on. He's gotta be 22 atleast." You came to the river and brought in so many fresh and new ideas. Everyone that knowes you, knowes what a gifted person you are. But in so many subtle ways you have shown me and so many others how much you want to use your gifts for the Kingdom. Fil, I straight up respect you and am honored to know some one who is not yet 21 but is striving daily to live out his faith around others. Having you with this community has been a huge lift. I'm glad you are along for the journey. I Love You! We Love You!
To: Jason Leger....The Lead singer of the legendary White Exxodus. Ok thats it. Done. Seriously, man we have come a long way. When I first really started hanging out with you it was around the time that I was first coming to River functions. As I got to know you I wanted so badly for you to be a part of this community. I knew we would all be better for it. Watching our friendship develope into a friendship with the entire community has been very special to me. You are so gifted man, every body knows it. Every one wants to be around you, and why not. You are such a honorable and loyal person. Countless times when I had no car or ride, you would pick me up and take me where ever need be. You are always so willing to put your neck on the line to ease the pain of others. You have listened to me on so many occasions when my heart was broken. There is no way I could imagine being on this journey without you. The River is a much better place for having Jason Leger in it. You are not only my friend, you are my Brother, and I know we are all thankful to say. I Love you! We Love You!
To: The Kings....Justin and Beth. Sometimes I feel like I'm your Son. Haha. Maybe that is because you both have taken care of me in so many different ways. Justin, you are so freakin great man. I mean, Indian/Man/Zelda/Archer/Drummer. What can't you do? The answer is nothing. I Love every time I come over, you always keep me up to date on your latest project. Every time I see you, you always let me know how happy you are to see me. And even though you are really funny, you still can get real with me and talk to me about serious things pertaining to the vision of the River. Beth, in the last year you have become one of my closest friends and sister. You are always concerned about my well being. When I was going through some rough times you were always there if I needed to talk. You helped build up a confidence in me when I thought no one could see good in me. You and Justin mean the world to me. You have shown so many of us what it takes to be a leader. You truly live out the faith you talk about. Justin and Beth, there is no way I could have made it on this journey without you. The River Community has become so much stronger because of the Kings. Beth, having your parents Keith and Dottie with us has been amazing. I have learned alot from both of them. Keith always makes me laugh and want to talk about the Doobie Bros. And Dottie is so creative and darn right Sweet. Oh and Let's not forget Charlie. Charlie, it's quite obvious that every girl wants you. Thank you Beth for bringing them to us. It has been an honor and a blessing to have you and your family with us on this journey. It is with great thankfulness and joy that I say. I Love You! We Love You!
To: The Crums....Sam and Samantha. Where do I even begin. You both personify the vision of the River. You both are living an afflux of authentic life. Every person in this community is better for knowing you and having you in there lives. Their is not a day that goes by when I don't think of your family and the sacrifice you all make so that the vision of the river can visibily be seen. Samantha, I am constantly astounded by your willingness to serve others. You have willingly and graciously opened up your home to me and so many others. During the time I was able to live with your family, I was amazed at how much you sacrifice for the well being of others, for the well being of your kids and the well being of your husband. The honor and support you give to Sam and your marriage is amazing. That example is one that has made a profound impact on my life, and has made me take a new look on the type of marriage I one day will seek. Thank you Samantha. Sam, it all comes down to you man. This thing goes because of so much of the hard work and Love that you have put into it. I am talking about our friendship and I am also talking about the River. From the time I met you, you have always sought after my highest good. You have always cared about our friendship and you have always cared about the River and this area. Your heart is so big man. And way back at the top of this blog I started by telling the story of how I broke you down with all of my weakness and wickedness. Sam, you have long since forgiven me, but the way you did it is worth me sharing to others. You could have pushed me aside and just let me go. I deserved that. But you didn't. You endured all the heartache and the frustration and the pain. And through your loving counsel you showed me how to confess to our community. The community that you help build with your very own Love, kindness, and generousity. It was if you knew that they would all rally around and help pull me out. And they did. Your sacrifice for the Kingdom of Heaven and the Message of Jesus Christ is evident every day. In the way You and Samantha raise your kids and in the way you Love and cherish your wife. Your kids have always put a smile on my face, and they seem to be growing in many great ways before our eyes. That day I saw you in great pain, I knew that I did not want to see our friendship like that again. Thank you beyond words for the time you put in and have since put in to the restoration of our friendship. You have pushed me to try harder. You have encouraged me to do more. Sam, your more than a brother. I am here today to confess again that this journey back has been tough, I am here to confess that I couldn't do it without you and The River, I am here to confess I am ready and energized to do this again. Sam and Samantha, it is with the uttmost honor and joy that I say, thank you. We are all better for knowing you and witnessing the wonderful living of your life. Our Journey could never be the same without you. With tearful eyes and a thankful heart I say to you and your family. I LOVE YOU!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!
To: The River....As we come upon the 3rd year of our journey together. I would like to say. It has truly been an honor to be with you. If I did not mention your name above, it is not because you don't play a vital role in this community. It is only because I haven't yet had the chance to get to know you. Hopefully that will change soon. The River, you, this community. Has forever changed my life and I am always proud and honored to tell others about what we are doing here. I am pumped about the new year ahead. We have so many great things instore. You all have taught me to not give up and give in, even when things are really tough. As we move forward, Let us be newly motivated to live our vision statement. Let us Love others and give to others as Christ Jesus our Lord did and does. Let us Love Northwest Florida and the utter most parts of the World. Let us trully seek out the highest good of our brothers and sisters. Let us work even harder to be An Afflux of Authentic Life. So here's to 2 years, Pop open a glass of sparkling grape juice(cough cough), and lift your glasses high, a toast to what is to come. I Believe it will only get better! I Love You!
Daniel
Friday, September 18, 2009
"What would you do for a Klondi....I mean...Prison Bar?"
Yesterday a case against Freeman and Lay received national coverage and certainly dominated local news here on the Gulf Coast. It was quite the hullabaloo! I've read various local reports on the account and certainly have heard all the pablum ad nauseam.
I know that a 1000 local professing Christians came to "stand" by these two men. The outcome of no jail time was celebrated as a victory for the good guys. Perhaps. One thing I do know is, in today's complex world there is profoundly more than one way to look at this scenario. Should they have prayed? I don't know. It seems it would have been extremely legal to have a willing student pray (which it seems there was no shortage of volunteers). It definitely could be a case of pride (not that I know).
So the question that arises might be: For What would we be willing to go to jail? In the book of Acts some Apostles said "We must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29 for reference junkies). But here the law was that the apostles couldn't preach- at all- anywhere. Not that they couldn't pray in a Governmental Institution. I don't think the Apostles, nor the other disciples thought of Peter and John as Heroes. And I don't believe they were sticking out their chests saying- YEAH! We won w/ the Chief Counselor- God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. They were living in a culture that was totally against Jesus, a culture that killed him.
I hope I would go to jail if the gov't said I couldn't preach, or pray at all. But telling me not to preach/pray as a Public school teacher, well if I rise up as a protester as that- it seems somewhat hypocritical for me to make a stance against a Muslim teacher promulgating their doctrine, or anyone for that matter- after all- we are all free.
I will gladly (I hope) suffer for our Lord Jesus Christ when it is that-suffering for him. But not b/c of my own glory in the disguise of Christian duty. But please hear me, I am not saying this is the motive of Freeman and Lay- I don't know. I haven't spoken w/ them nor could I read their hearts. But the many who have spoken up for them, seem to miss the point.
The Minute my Gov't says I can't follow Jesus, can't say his name- preach his message- I will disobey that Gov't. but when the Gov't that seeks unity above "Religion" and unity through true Kingdom Living (regardless of the motives of the citizens in a City/Country)- I will live peaceably w/ in it.
For what would you risk jail in the name of the Kingdom?
posted by
sc
I know that a 1000 local professing Christians came to "stand" by these two men. The outcome of no jail time was celebrated as a victory for the good guys. Perhaps. One thing I do know is, in today's complex world there is profoundly more than one way to look at this scenario. Should they have prayed? I don't know. It seems it would have been extremely legal to have a willing student pray (which it seems there was no shortage of volunteers). It definitely could be a case of pride (not that I know).
So the question that arises might be: For What would we be willing to go to jail? In the book of Acts some Apostles said "We must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29 for reference junkies). But here the law was that the apostles couldn't preach- at all- anywhere. Not that they couldn't pray in a Governmental Institution. I don't think the Apostles, nor the other disciples thought of Peter and John as Heroes. And I don't believe they were sticking out their chests saying- YEAH! We won w/ the Chief Counselor- God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. They were living in a culture that was totally against Jesus, a culture that killed him.
I hope I would go to jail if the gov't said I couldn't preach, or pray at all. But telling me not to preach/pray as a Public school teacher, well if I rise up as a protester as that- it seems somewhat hypocritical for me to make a stance against a Muslim teacher promulgating their doctrine, or anyone for that matter- after all- we are all free.
I will gladly (I hope) suffer for our Lord Jesus Christ when it is that-suffering for him. But not b/c of my own glory in the disguise of Christian duty. But please hear me, I am not saying this is the motive of Freeman and Lay- I don't know. I haven't spoken w/ them nor could I read their hearts. But the many who have spoken up for them, seem to miss the point.
The Minute my Gov't says I can't follow Jesus, can't say his name- preach his message- I will disobey that Gov't. but when the Gov't that seeks unity above "Religion" and unity through true Kingdom Living (regardless of the motives of the citizens in a City/Country)- I will live peaceably w/ in it.
For what would you risk jail in the name of the Kingdom?
posted by
sc
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Fighting the Good Fight
Near the end of the Apostle Paul's life he penned these words to his faithful friend and student:
"For I am being poured out as a drink offering.......I have fought the good fight......I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4: parts of 6 and part of 7)-
some days, like yesterday and even this morning- I feel like I am being poured out as a drink offering/sacrifice. It's not fun being called a cult leader (which apparently I may have been called such). Friends who still apparently use jokes to take shot at revealing their true feelings towards me. Others express disappointment, while others just reject. teenage children act as such. insecurities flow freely. others speak of parting. not so neighborly conversations.
Days like this- i feel like Norm (from cheers)- "Its a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk-bone underwear". I "feel" like throwing in the towel this morning and verbally revealing my oft wicked heart.
Yet I believe Jesus, the one who enlisted me ,through a small cloud of witnesses who endured the same,- would have me fight the good fight.
Jude, our Lord's little bro wrote to contend for the faith, once delivered to all saints. And Paul wrote we should "speak the truth in Love". Surely this fighting, contending- is ultimately about love. So, fighting is not speaking out against those who harm, speak ill, and/or hate-whether intentionally or otherwise- but rather to fight w/ love. Fight by showing them love, by accepting these people-who are not the enemy. They, like me- have lost their way for a moment or two.
Jesus wants me to fight, not w/ a sword, but a cross.....My cross, by dying to self, decreasing, so that the Lord may increase.
honestly, this sucks initially- b/c i have to give up my right to be heard, to retaliate, to attack. All things I want to do. this is why I must pick up my cross. these are things that must be intentionally killed. These things don't want to die- So i must fight the GOOD fight. The Fight to contend for the faith- not against other people so much- but against my own evil desires.
So today, I labor to fight the good fight. Not because I believe at this moment it's good. But b/c choosing the path that seems most natural to me- only causes more pain, hell that I cannot bear. My motives suck, are selfish- but I do trust, nay HOPE- that Jesus will redeem my fight with His love- so that I can Love. So that i can love Him, His Kingdom, His righteousness, His People- and myself.
Anyone want to help me Fight the good fight? Cuz I'm sure to fail if I go it alone....
sc
"For I am being poured out as a drink offering.......I have fought the good fight......I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4: parts of 6 and part of 7)-
some days, like yesterday and even this morning- I feel like I am being poured out as a drink offering/sacrifice. It's not fun being called a cult leader (which apparently I may have been called such). Friends who still apparently use jokes to take shot at revealing their true feelings towards me. Others express disappointment, while others just reject. teenage children act as such. insecurities flow freely. others speak of parting. not so neighborly conversations.
Days like this- i feel like Norm (from cheers)- "Its a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk-bone underwear". I "feel" like throwing in the towel this morning and verbally revealing my oft wicked heart.
Yet I believe Jesus, the one who enlisted me ,through a small cloud of witnesses who endured the same,- would have me fight the good fight.
Jude, our Lord's little bro wrote to contend for the faith, once delivered to all saints. And Paul wrote we should "speak the truth in Love". Surely this fighting, contending- is ultimately about love. So, fighting is not speaking out against those who harm, speak ill, and/or hate-whether intentionally or otherwise- but rather to fight w/ love. Fight by showing them love, by accepting these people-who are not the enemy. They, like me- have lost their way for a moment or two.
Jesus wants me to fight, not w/ a sword, but a cross.....My cross, by dying to self, decreasing, so that the Lord may increase.
honestly, this sucks initially- b/c i have to give up my right to be heard, to retaliate, to attack. All things I want to do. this is why I must pick up my cross. these are things that must be intentionally killed. These things don't want to die- So i must fight the GOOD fight. The Fight to contend for the faith- not against other people so much- but against my own evil desires.
So today, I labor to fight the good fight. Not because I believe at this moment it's good. But b/c choosing the path that seems most natural to me- only causes more pain, hell that I cannot bear. My motives suck, are selfish- but I do trust, nay HOPE- that Jesus will redeem my fight with His love- so that I can Love. So that i can love Him, His Kingdom, His righteousness, His People- and myself.
Anyone want to help me Fight the good fight? Cuz I'm sure to fail if I go it alone....
sc
Friday, September 4, 2009
Samantha's Farewell to Cancer
I have made it-August 2009 has come and gone. I am now considered cured, a "survivor." It has been seven years since you entered into my life. The physical scars are minimal at this point-lungs don't work so great, and memory still gives out occasionally, but in spite of everything, I am glad we met.
You changed me. I was super Christian-from the outside. My checklist of things I did for God was full (taught Sunday school, choir, Awana, nursery, visitation). I had it all covered, but you took that ability of Doing away. I was left with nothing-or so I thought. You gave me time to be still and quietly fall in love with my Creator. I developed an intimate relationship with a God that I love.
19 year old me promised to love Sam Crum through sickness, bad, poor-naively thinking these things would never happen to us. But you forced us to live those vows and we were made a stronger couple for it. To know that in this life I have been loved so passionately and authentically by my husband-quite a gift you gave me.
I watched my children as my mom moved in to take over my role. I love her for her immense sacrifice, but could not wait to be Victoria, Zach, and Luke's mom again. I relish my role in being here for them-the thought that that could be taken away still haunts me on occasion.
You were supposed to leave me infertile but God had other plans. Hosanna, Isabella, and baby Jude Rae needed to join our family. Precious angels, kissed by God that have brought unspeakable joy. All healthy, our miracles.
A lot of my acquaintances were scared out of my life because of you. But my true friends stepped up to encourage and support us in whatever way we needed. That is who I strive to be to those around me today.
I am whole, healed, free. You are gone, but I will not forget you because of how you changed my life. So thank you cancer for stopping by.
-Samantha
You changed me. I was super Christian-from the outside. My checklist of things I did for God was full (taught Sunday school, choir, Awana, nursery, visitation). I had it all covered, but you took that ability of Doing away. I was left with nothing-or so I thought. You gave me time to be still and quietly fall in love with my Creator. I developed an intimate relationship with a God that I love.
19 year old me promised to love Sam Crum through sickness, bad, poor-naively thinking these things would never happen to us. But you forced us to live those vows and we were made a stronger couple for it. To know that in this life I have been loved so passionately and authentically by my husband-quite a gift you gave me.
I watched my children as my mom moved in to take over my role. I love her for her immense sacrifice, but could not wait to be Victoria, Zach, and Luke's mom again. I relish my role in being here for them-the thought that that could be taken away still haunts me on occasion.
You were supposed to leave me infertile but God had other plans. Hosanna, Isabella, and baby Jude Rae needed to join our family. Precious angels, kissed by God that have brought unspeakable joy. All healthy, our miracles.
A lot of my acquaintances were scared out of my life because of you. But my true friends stepped up to encourage and support us in whatever way we needed. That is who I strive to be to those around me today.
I am whole, healed, free. You are gone, but I will not forget you because of how you changed my life. So thank you cancer for stopping by.
-Samantha
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