It Takes a Village...and Then Some.

Many times I feel as if life comes down to choices and influences, and this never seems truer than when it applies to the realm of parenting. I confess with fear even as I type this that often I would have gone astray if it were not for the presence of children in my life, and the brutal reality of that fact is that being responsible for other human beings’ development and growth and preparedness for this scary place we call real life is one of humility. I don’t type this believing for one minute that I am humble, as those who know me best understand with great clarity that this is not the case. But what I mean by this is that behind every experience as a parent there is this helpless feeling that this is out of my hands, and yet if it goes awry its sour effects will shape – and in many ways – devastate not only my happiness but the happiness of those in my family. The reason for this is that these children are a part of me and to mess up with them, to not love them the way they were created to be loved, is to ignore the pains of my own life and ultimately is not to love myself or God.

I write this, of course, as the parent of four, and I can honestly say that this endeavor feels very much like a roll of the dice. I don’t mean to say that I believe that this thing called parenting is a luck of the draw, though. What I want to state more aptly is that my heart may deceive me into thinking that I have done well in leading my kids to Christ when I may have altogether missed it. This uncertainty in what to do and what to say and how to go about talking with your kids is very overwhelming at times, because my own need to be rescued from anger and anxiety and various other struggles intersect with my attempt to rescue my kids.

But the reason I write this today is that I need a place to confess my need of community. As someone who was raised to be an individualistic, hard-working American who left home at the age of eighteen and never looked back, this is difficult for me to get. It is difficult, but it shouldn’t be, given the impact of God’s people in my life along the way. My confession however is also a question. And the question is this: Since community is what we were created to be, then how does the community interact with the family and what role does the family play in the community? Another way of asking that is to reverse the question and ask what role does the community play in relation to the family?

I know for some this will seem too simple to even ask, and those are the ones I am probably not asking. But, it seems as if Hillary Clinton (as tainted as she may be in some of her thinking) was onto something when she wrote the title to her book, It Takes a Village. I am not suggesting everything she said was right, but certainly the concept of community/village playing a role in the development of our children is surely not a foreign concept to the Scriptures, as children and parents alike were often held accountable before the entire Community of YHWH under the Torah.

I will only begin to touch the topic of community, however, as I have much to ponder even to know which questions to ask. The real thrust behind this (and where I really want to end up for now) is my daily struggle with being the father that God made me to be. I am at a point where I would gouge my eye out for my children and love them with all of my heart, but often feel as if I am failing. I struggle with this because my kids are growing up (especially my oldest who is now entering middle school), and I feel as if time is slipping out through the proverbial hour glass. I struggle with erecting boundaries for my kids. I do not want to keep them from the world in the sense that I try to isolate them as part of an old world attempt to protect from the evil that is “out there”, but I also don’t want to give in to the cultural demands and just jibe with all that is present. This is an ongoing dilemma and one that I am sure to master in a couple of paragraphs in this blog (jk).

I have been wondering these issues for a while, have been journaling about them, praying about them, and now I am hoping to converse about them, as I need help in this area. I know there are issues in my own life that lead me into difficulties with my children and I am hoping for growth in these areas, as well, but I hope that this will begin to shed light on that, also.

A few nights ago, I sat at the table with Melissa and we shared struggles and fears and thoughts about our kids, but one in specific. We talked for a long time, confessing to one another our shortcomings and mishaps and patterns of sin causing our relationship with them to erode. The following morning I wept on the way to work for one of my children, lamenting that she needs Christ to rescue her from herself as well as from us.

This is my prayer tonight for all of my kids and all of the kids at The River. Thanks for praying this with me and for me. I love you all.

Jason # 2