Near the end of the Apostle Paul's life he penned these words to his faithful friend and student:
"For I am being poured out as a drink offering.......I have fought the good fight......I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4: parts of 6 and part of 7)-
some days, like yesterday and even this morning- I feel like I am being poured out as a drink offering/sacrifice. It's not fun being called a cult leader (which apparently I may have been called such). Friends who still apparently use jokes to take shot at revealing their true feelings towards me. Others express disappointment, while others just reject. teenage children act as such. insecurities flow freely. others speak of parting. not so neighborly conversations.
Days like this- i feel like Norm (from cheers)- "Its a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk-bone underwear". I "feel" like throwing in the towel this morning and verbally revealing my oft wicked heart.
Yet I believe Jesus, the one who enlisted me ,through a small cloud of witnesses who endured the same,- would have me fight the good fight.
Jude, our Lord's little bro wrote to contend for the faith, once delivered to all saints. And Paul wrote we should "speak the truth in Love". Surely this fighting, contending- is ultimately about love. So, fighting is not speaking out against those who harm, speak ill, and/or hate-whether intentionally or otherwise- but rather to fight w/ love. Fight by showing them love, by accepting these people-who are not the enemy. They, like me- have lost their way for a moment or two.
Jesus wants me to fight, not w/ a sword, but a cross.....My cross, by dying to self, decreasing, so that the Lord may increase.
honestly, this sucks initially- b/c i have to give up my right to be heard, to retaliate, to attack. All things I want to do. this is why I must pick up my cross. these are things that must be intentionally killed. These things don't want to die- So i must fight the GOOD fight. The Fight to contend for the faith- not against other people so much- but against my own evil desires.
So today, I labor to fight the good fight. Not because I believe at this moment it's good. But b/c choosing the path that seems most natural to me- only causes more pain, hell that I cannot bear. My motives suck, are selfish- but I do trust, nay HOPE- that Jesus will redeem my fight with His love- so that I can Love. So that i can love Him, His Kingdom, His righteousness, His People- and myself.
Anyone want to help me Fight the good fight? Cuz I'm sure to fail if I go it alone....
sc
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3 comments:
thanks for honesty. i can say that at this moment i am fighting too-i know much less graciously and patiently than you. the right to be "heard" and "right" is such a huge battle for me and it is encouraging to know that our lord was the ultimate example in this. he humbled himself and was obedient-i have much to learn.
appreciate your reminder to live as christ would have and to treat others as he wants me too
samantha
I'm with you, and the River, always. Right now just sucks in general. However, Jesus is the great bridge builder, and we will soon pass over these troubled and troubling waters. Love love love is really all we need.
All of the churches I've ever gained something of deep value from participating in have, at one time or another, been referred to as cults. For the most part, this was because they had passionate, committed leaders who were intent on following where they believed God was leading, and helping others do the same, and who weren't afraid of that looking a little different. I love and respect the vision of the River -- seeing community and creative, participatory worship modeled here has healed me so much.
Also, it makes me happy to see God is talking to other people about moving in the opposite spirit -- my difficulties recently haven't been shaped the same, but I've also felt encouraged to fight not by responding in kind to the things upsetting me, but through actions and words that are positive and life-giving.
Best thing ever, really -- building heaven with our lips and hands.
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